Prima zi de gradinita
Abia asteptam sa va povestesc cum a fost prima zi de gradinita…
EN: I was very anxious to tell you about the first day at kindergarten…
Am pregatit aceasta zi cum am stiut noi mai bine. Am tinut cont de sfaturile voastre si am incercat sa reducem din entuziasm, desi entuziasmul nostru era real, simtind ca e cea mai buna alegere pentru el, ca acolo isi va face prieteni si ca va gasi o multime de activitati interesante. Cu toate acestea, i-am respectat sentimentele contradictorii: “Imi plac foarte mult doamnele de la gradinita. Imi plac jucariile. Imi place parculetul.” – “Pai si ce nu iti place?” – “Nu imi place ca trebuie sa mananc.” Mda, aici e buba.
Copilul a mancat ORICE ii dadeam pana la varsta de 1 an si 2 – 3 luni sa zicem. Manca cu pofta! Nu imi refuza niciun aliment, desi era evident ca fructele ii placeau mai mult decat toate celelalte la un loc. Dar la capitolul alimentatie, va zic, stateam ideal. Aveam sentimentul ala ca mananca ce trebuie, cat trebuie, din toate, cu pofta, fara sa il fortez o secunda. Dar la un moment dat, ceva s-a intamplat, nu stiu ce exact, si a inceput sa refuze din alimente. Mai intai carnea. Am zis ca e o faza, ca nu trebuie sa facem din asta un caz. Apoi a renuntat la ciorba, supa, apoi mancaruri gatite… si a ajuns acum sa manance doar lactate (lapte, iaurt, cascaval, branza de vaci), orez simplu, mai nou sushi rolls cu avocado, paste (cu sos pesto si mai nou cu sos rosu), paine, pizza margherita si foccacia cu parmezan, edamame, clatite (cu mai mult ou in compozitie), fructe (orice in afara de grapefruit), inclusiv confiate, cereale, avocado, cartof dulce la cuptor, uneori prosciutto crudo ori jamon, alune, migdale, fisctic, caju, porumb fiert si… cam atat. Ar manca orice dulce – prajitura, inghetata, biscuiti, ciocolata – dar eu fac eforturi ca atunci cand ii e foame unui copil atat de fitos la mancare si cu apetit scazut, macar sa ii oferi mancaruri cat mai sanatoase posibil. Extrem de rar incearca sa guste ceva nou, deci ritmul in care am putea sa ii imbogatim meniul e foarte lent. In fine, eu incerc sa nu pun presiune si mai mare pe el, pentru ca e clar ca in familie am facut o obsesie pe subiectul acesta, iar teama ca va muri de foame e o tampenie, care ne conduce doar spre masuri gresite. I-am facut analizele si au iesit ok. Nu e nici prea slab, deci de undeva isi ia el ce trebuie. Asa ca, de vreo jumatate de an, am schimbat complet tactica si incerc sa il reimprietenesc cu mancarea. Singura regula e ca dulce (aici intra la noi fresh-ul de portocale sau o cupa de inghetata, in timp ce la bunica… intra de toate…) nu are voie decat dupa ce mananca mancare felul 1 sau felul 2, nu pentru ca e dulcele “recompensa”, ci pentru ca el stie ca asa e sanatos pentru organismul lui, sa nu il doara burtica. In rest, ii ofer ce stiu sigur ca mananca, pun pe masa si mancarea noastra, cat mai variata, si il las pe el sa se serveasca, daca doreste. Si doreste foarte rar, dar nu ma grabesc. Nu mai vreau sa il stresez, pentru ca deja stie ca exista aceasta problema si ca noi ii cerem ceva ce el nu poate sa faca.
Revenind la tema gradinitei, cand mi-a spus ca singurul lucru care nu ii place la gradinita e ca trebuie sa manance, i-am raspuns ca nu trebuie nimic, ca va manca doar ce isi va dori si cat va dori. Singura regula fiind in continuare cea cu dulcele. Am continuat apoi sa ii povestim de gradinitele noastre, a mea si a lui Radu. Ieri chiar am facut o tura cu masina prin Bucuresti si i le-am aratat. S-a aratat interesat de subiect si ne-a pus multe intrebari. Apoi mi-a venit ideea sa mergem sa cumparam flori, cate una pentru fiecare doamna. Am stat aseara intr-o florarie vreo jumatate de ora sa alegem 4 flori: o floarea soarelui (“cea mai frumoasa floare”), un trandafir rosu, unul alb si o floare exotica al carei nume l-am uitat (ceva cu regina parca…). Cand am ajuns acasa si-a dat seama ca a uitat sa ia o floare si pentru doamna de la secretariat, asa ca de dimineata ne-am oprit si am mai luat o hortensia mov.
Am facut bagajul impreuna tot de aseara si l-am lasat pe el sa isi aleaga ce haine vrea. La fel si de dimineata. De aceea in prima zi a purtat tricoul lui favorit cu super eroi, sort si cizmele de cauciuc cu Fulger.
In diminetile cu gradinita avem un ritual stabilit inca de anul trecut. Am desenat pe o foaie de hartie etapele prin care trebuie sa treaca (spalat pe dinti, mancat, imbracat…), am lipit-o pe dulapul din camera lui, ca sa o poata vedea usor, si doar asa am reusit sa scoatem un timp bun si sa ajungem cand trebuie la gradinita. Asa s-a intamplat si in dimineata aceasta.
Stand la tata in brate, eu tinand “cu grija” florile, am pasit toti trei pragul gradinitei. Cand a oferit prima floare s-a rusinat putin, dar apoi a continuat cu entuziasm planul. S-a dus sa caute toate doamnele, oferindu-le floarea stabilita de dinainte, asa ca ne-a spus “pa mama, pa tata” fara niciun fel de ezitare si a ramas in clasa lui cu una dintre educatoare, asteptandu-le pe celelalte doua cu florile in maini.
Eu si Radu am fugit (la propriu!), ca nu cumva sa se razgandeasca. Cand ne-am suit in masina aveam lacrimi de fericire in ochi. Ne felicitam unul pe celalalt pentru cat de bine a iesit anul acesta misiunea “prima zi de gradinita”. Doar ca a venit pranzul….
A iesit din clasa spre masa razand (intamplator eram amandoi acolo, caci venisem sa lasam niste acte, si l-am vazut pe ascuns). Dar cand a intrat in sala de mese si si-a dat seama ce urmeaza a inceput sa planga. A spus ca nu poate manca si nu a mancat nimic in afara de paine (a cerut o felie in plus, caci foame cred ca ii era). Nici nu s-a atins de supa sau felul 2. Evident, desert nu a primit. Le rugasem pe educatoare sa nu il streseze cu mancarea, caci e clar ca are o problema si ca deja sufera pentru ca el nu poate manca la fel ca ceilalti copii. E foarte competitiv si in cand imi vorbeste despre mancatul cu ceilalti, simt ca o ia ca pe o nereusita a lui. Ne si intreaba: “Dar eu de ce nu mananc? De ce nu pot manca?”
S-a intors apoi la somn si la restul programului care ii place si pe care il parcurge mereu cu zambetul pe buze.
Daca se nimereste vreuna dintre mancarurile lui preferate, alea de pe lista, le mananca si la gradinita. Dar cum meniul lui e atat de limitat, rareori se intampla asta. Am incercat o perioada sa ii aduceam noi mancare de acasa. Dar ne-am dat seama ca nu e ok, ca nu asa va face progrese si va ajunge sa manance le fel ca ceilalti. Drept urmare, mananca cu noi mult la micul dejun acasa, apoi mai mananca acolo o gustare de fructe, paine si daca se mai nimereste altceva din lista lui, apoi il luam si il ducem direct la masa. Nu stiu, daca aveti sfaturi si pe acest subiect, le astept cu mare interes.
In seara aceasta, mancand un iaurt si niste edamame (de cartofii dulci, pastele cu pesto, branza la cuptor cu legume si avocado nu s-a atins), ne-a spus: “Vreau sa imi umplu burta, sa nu mananc maine la gradinita.”
O ciorba fierbe acum pe aragaz. A nu stiu cata pe care o voi manca doar impreuna cu Radu. Dar, macar sa ii simta mirosul si sa ne vada pe noi savurand-o. Pas cu pas…
In poze port: rochie Parlor, bandana Zara, tenisi Bensimon, geanta DVF. Iar video cu tinuta in miscare este gata:
EN: We have prepared for this day as best as we could. We took your advice into account and we have tried to take down the enthusiasm a bit, even though our enthusiasm was actually real, because we felt that this is the best decision for him, that he will make new friends and that he will find plenty of interesting activities. Even so, we also respected his contradictory feelings: “I really like the ladies from kindergarten. I like the toys. I like the little park.” – “So what is it that you don’t like?” – “I don’t like that I have to eat there.” Well yes, this is the problem.
The child used to eat EVERYTHING I would give him up until the age of 1 year and 2-3 months. He would gladly! He never refused any food, even though it was obvious that fruit were his favorite. But I have to stay, when it came to food, it was ideal. I had that feeling that he was eating the right thing, in the right quantities, with pleasure, without forcing him once. But at some point something happened, I don’t what exactly, and he started to refuse certain food. At first it was meat. We thought it was just a phase, that we shouldn’t make a big deal out of it. Then he gave up soups, then cooked food… and now we are at the point where he eats only dairy (milk, yoghurt, cheese, cottage cheese), plain rice, recently avocado sushi rolls, pasta (with pesto sauce and recently also with tomato sauce), bread, pizza Margherita and Focaccia with parmesan, edamame, pancakes (with more egg), fruit (everything except grapefruit), including dried fruit, cereal, avocado, baked sweet potato, sometimes Prosciutto Crudo or Jamon, peanuts, almonds, pistachio, cashew, corn and… that’s about it. He would any sweet- cake, ice cream, biscuits, chocolate- but I really try to feed him as healthy food as possible when he’s hungry, even with his tastes and low appetite. He hardly ever wants to taste something new, so the pace for his menu to diversify is a slow one. I also try no to put too much pressure on him, because it’s obvious there’s already an obsession with this subject in our family, and the fear that he will starve to death is complete bollocks, which only leads us to wrong measures. He also had some blood tests done and they turned out ok. He’s not too thin, so he must be taking what he needs from somewhere. So, for about half a year now, I have completely switched tactics and I am trying to befriend him with food again. The only rule is that he is only allowed to have sweets (and here we also included fresh squeezed orange juice or a scoop of ice cream, while he’s at his grandma everything is under this category..) after he eats cooked food, and not because sweets are the “reward”, but because he knows that’s how it’s healthy for his body, so that he doesn’t get a tummy ache. Other than that, I give him what I know he’s going to eat, I also put our food on the table, as varied as possible, and I let him pick what he likes. And he very rarely wants to, but I’m in no hurry. I don’t want to stress him anymore, because he is already aware of the problem and of the fact that we ask something from him which he isn’t able to do.
Back to the kindergarten topic, when he told me that the only thing he doesn’t like there is that he has to eat, I told him he doesn’t have to do anything, that he will only eat what he likes and how much he likes. The only rule still being the one with sweets. We then told him about our kindergartens, mine and Radu’s. Yesterday we even took a tour through Bucharest and showed them to him. He showed interest and asked us a lot of questions. Then I had the idea to go and buy flowers, one for each of the ladies. We spent about half an hour in a flower shop last evening to pick out 4 flowers: a sunflower (“the most beautiful flower”), a red rose, a white one and an exotic flower whose name I forgot. When we returned home he realized the he forgot to buy a flower for the secretary too, so in the morning we stopped and bought a purple hydrangea.
Also last night we packet his backpack and I let him choose the outfit he wants to wear. We did the same in the morning. That’s why on his first day he wore his favorite super heroes shirt, shorts and his Lightning rubber boots.
In the mornings with kindergarten we have ritual established ever since last year. On a piece of paper I drew all the stages he has to go through (brushing his teeth, eating, putting his clothes on…), I glued it to the dressing in his room, so he can see it easily, and that’s the only way we managed to get on time to kindergarten. That’s how it also happened this morning.
While he was being held by his dad and I was “carefully” holding the flowers, all three of us walked into the kindergarten. He was a bit shy when he offered the first flower, but then he enthusiastically carried out his plan. He went to look for all the ladies, offering them the flower prior established, so he said “bye mum, bye dad” without any hesitation and we stayed in his classroom with one of the educators, waiting for the other two with the flowers in our hands.
Radu and I ran (literally!), so that he wouldn’t change his mind. When we got in the car we had tears of joy in our eyes. We were congratulating each other on how good this “first day in kindergarten” mission turned out. But then lunch time came…
He went out of the classroom laughing and headed to lunch room (we happened to be both there, because we came for some papers and we saw him). But when he entered the lunch room and realized what was about to happen he started to cry. He said he couldn’t eat and he didn’t have anything except for bread (he asked for an extra slice, because he must have been hungry). He didn’t even touch the soup or the main course. Obviously, he didn’t get any desert. I had asked the educators not to stress him about the food, because it’s obvious he has a problem and he is already suffering because he can’t eat like the other children. He’s highly competitive and when he tells me about eating with the others, I feel like he’s taking it as a defeat. He even asks: “But why don’t I eat? Why can’t I eat?”
He then went back for his nap and the rest of the program which he likes and happily takes part in.
If it happens that one of his favorite foods, those on the list, is served, then he also eats it at kindergarten. But since his menu is pretty limited, that rarely happens. For a while we tried bringing food for him from home. But we realized that’s not ok, that he won’t be making any progress this way and he won’t be eating like everyone else. Therefore, he has a big breakfast with us at home, then he has a fruit snack over there, or bread and if something from his list happens to appear, and then we pick him up and take him straight to lunch. I don’t know if you have any advice on the matter, but if you do, please send them to me.
Tonight, while eating a yoghurt and some edamame (he didn’t touch the sweet potatoes, pesto pasta, baked cheese with vegetables and avocado), he said: “I want to fill up my belly, so I don’t have to eat in kindergarten tomorrow.”
I have a soup boiling now on the stove. I’ll probably eating it with Radu again. But, at least he smells it and sees us enjoying it. Step by step…
In the pictures I am wearing: Parlor dress, Zara bandana, Bensimon sneakers, DVF bag. And the outfit on the move is above.